On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
