Can i not drive my cunt home
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
