No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
