i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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