Girls should come with a carfax report
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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