i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
