Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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