if you like me you must not know who I am
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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