i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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