Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
