I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
