how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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