i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
