I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
