Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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