Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
