I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
