Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
