hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
