Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
