He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
