No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
