What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
