glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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