He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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