Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
