I skipped work to stalk him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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