No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
17 year olds will be the death of me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Im part way to drunk.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
