someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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