I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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