She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
