And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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