No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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