I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
