Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
