I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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