I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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