Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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