Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
