im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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