How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
