I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
