Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
