there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
