When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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