I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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