When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
