have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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