girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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