You smell like a Billy Joel song
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
