I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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