I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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