I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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