maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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