he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
