I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
