i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm getting married
To pizza
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
