I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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