The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
