Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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