I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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