It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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