I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
